Today is my mother’s 11th anniversary of the transition of her soul and I can’t think of a better day to share this.
First a little background.
I have noticed this pattern that I have been going through over the past couple of years.
I will have a random few days where I have to pee and go to the bathroom a lot!
I am talking 5 times in an hour.
When this happens I usually say something like “I am releasing something” which I think is true.
However, this time I got down to the nitty-gritty.
I do want to say that I am not providing any medical advice here but just sharing my own journey. Also, the doctor checked me out and there is nothing physically “wrong with me.”
Now if you have followed my blog for any amount of time you may know that I am a big believer of medical intuition. The concept is that physical symptoms are a manifestation of emotional and spiritual blockages. You can either scan and talk to your own body or have someone gifted and/or trained in medical intuition help you to understand what your body is telling you.
A lot of energy, time, and suffering can be saved from listening to your body.
Through my meditation practice and continual exploration of my emotions and self-healing, I can say that I have a strong connection to my body and so I can talk to my own body. Also, with the help of the divine wouldn’t you know it my dear angel friend Evelor dropped a guide to talk to your sex organs in my in box that week!
Pay attention to synchronicities and receive divine love by taking action on them.
So I did the exercise.
I talked to my yoni (Sanskrit word for vagina) and asked her “what’s up? Why do you keep getting my attention by making me go to the bathroom all the time?”
The response was “I’m scared.” I was so surprised by this answer but the interesting thing is that my son has been repeated those exact words to me “I don’t want to leave you, I’m scared.” This is not typical behavior of him but just demonstrates how connected sensitive and small children are to our energy and why it’s important for us to heal as much as possible.
The other thing that I connected was that when I was a little kid I pee’d in my pants all the time when I was scared. This was often in science class because I had a teacher that was a bully and would never let us go to the bathroom.
I listened more and was even more surprised when she said the words “withheld love” and that this was related to my mother.
I was surprised because I have healed a lot of my “stuff” with my mother and even wrote all about this in my book. I have a strong connection to her soul and she visits me in miraculous ways.
However, as I sat with it longer I completely got what’s happening.
In church we were asked what God is asking us to become in 2016? In front of the whole church I raised my hand and said “I am being asked to step up in leadership.” Just like that, I claimed it in front of people.
Also for the past 6 months I’ve been really quiet and taking a deep dive in to the feminine to hear and be nurtured into my divine assignment instead of forcing my will on life.
Loud and clear over and over I keep receiving that through me I am meant to bring the love and nurturance of the divine mother.
The feminine is mysterious and doesn’t lay out a red carpet in the form of a business plan. She lays one breadcrumb at a time out and you never know when it’s going to show up. It requires a lot of trust and patience and if you have been socialized in any way it’s not so easy.
It’s unfolding and it has to do with working with mothers/parents and teaching/education.
Enough to get the little girl in me peeing in my pants.
Mothering and Teaching are the 2 things that mean the most to me and so they are the 2 things that give the most joy and pain.
This is how the heroine’s journey works.
The things that break you are the gifts you are meant to share with the world. In my book I talk about finding the purpose in our pain.
My mom did the best she could raising me and she did a damn fine job if I may say so myself (wink wink) but I went through some painful experiences as a child that left a big imprint.
I was bullied – a lot by other kids, teachers and even family members. I received a message that it’s not safe to be me so I created another persona. I didn’t realize that my toughness, and ambition were all ways to protect myself so that I would never be bullied again. Interestingly my son even keeps using the word bully out of no where!
I’m telling you, little people can tell us a lot about what’s going on within.
I had this subconscious belief that if I am smart, have a good job, get along with everyone and don’t let anyone see my hurt parts (even my hubby or son) I can’t get hurt.
I am not alone in this. Most of the world operates this way.
Most of us were not parented with unconditional love.
“make mommy proud and go clean your room or become a doctor”
It’s not our parent’s fault, they did the best they could.
However, I do believe we need to do better. That’s evolution.
So when I sit with this it means to lean in to love even when my instinct is to protect myself.
“Hurt people, hurt people” and when someone says something rude or mean it’s become normal to isolate, shut down or get angry. However, what if we could tap into a love that is so nurturing and overflowing that we are not dependent on other people or circumstances to make us feel whole, how would we show up?
This is the divine mother.
Anytime I feel like shutting down, get angry or frustrated I pray to her.
“I ask for her unconditional love to help me feel safe, protected and to keep my heart open.” Leaning on her love has served me in these very tangible ways:
- Instead of shutting down and going to my room when my husband says something that hurts me. I’ve been choosing to pray to the divine mother and it’s brought us even more closer and made me more open to receiving his support.
- When my son is angry and having a tantrum because I said no T.V or he doesn’t want to go to school. I pray to mother and it often keeps me grounded so I can choose to look him in the eyes and ask him what he needs instead of yelling or putting him in a time out.
- Before coaching my clients I surrender my will for God’s and asked to be used by the divine and the mother has come through many times asking to provide her love and nurturance to heal these beautiful souls.
Many spiritual and faithful people pray, worship and show their devotion. My mom was very devoted to her own Guru. However most of these prayers are only to the divine father, which is such a beautiful way to connect to heaven/the ethers. I have felt this many times in meditation.
At the same time, my heart tells me that it is the divine mother that is on earth to help us experience heaven on earth. So as a mother provides sustenance from her breast to her children, the divine mother will provide for your human needs.
And be open to receiving the divine winks, and offering of help. Just like a baby does not get the milk if she doesn’t latch, you have to be willing to do your part and receive mothers milk.
If this resonates with you and you want me to hold space to pray to the divine mother, to meditate and reflect on the parts of you that are asking to be healed, I am offer a 3 month mama’s love coaching special for up to 5 individuals.
Please email firstname.lastname@example.org with answers to the following 3 questions to see if this offering would be of service to you:
- What is the biggest challenge you are facing today?
- Do you have any wounding with your mother that you feel you are ready to heal?
- Do you have or work with children?
- Best contact number for a 30 minute connection opportunity
In honor of my own mother, I pray for the divine mother to shower you with unconditional love, sustenance and nurturing.